Jeramiah 29:11

Trust is a lot easier said then done. That's basically what I've been learning lately. I've always heard people say "trust in God". Or i'll read a verse in the bible about trusting in God.. I always agreed, and thought that's is a great thing to do and have. However, when you're faced with a situation where you actually have to trust in God ..whether its with your hopes, dreams, future, desires, or necessities of life, it's so much harder than it sounds. To actually believe God has a plans for you (jeramiah 29:11), that prospers you; that he will work everything out for the best; requires amazing faith. I didn't expect it to be so hard. I know you are supposed to, I know the bible is there (therefore he does have a plan for the good), I know he is in control, and has the most wonderful thing ever in mind for us, i know we will never quiet understand what he's doing completely, but... even still, with all that in mind, it's so hard to trust. Why? He created the universe, he loves us, and cares for our thoughts and desires - yet I can't get my self to believe he has a plan for me? I can't trust him in the *simple* things? Things that, yes at the time might seem like the world, but in all reality, are so minuscule and tiny!? That's almost ridiculous. Why is it so hard to trust God?
Recently, I've had to trust God with the most important thing in my life. I almost couldn't "give it up". My dad ultimately decided. But I couldn't stop worrying about it, wondering if my dad was actually praying about it, second guessing my dad's obvious future decision, thinking about if it might ever change, asking why it even had to come up... When I talked to my friend about it, she told me just to give it up. I knew i had to do that... but I had such a hard time doing it. In all reality, I would, but not completely. and that small percent would keep creeping back up and growing back into full form.
In Beth Guckenburgers book Reckless Faith, she talks about a little 6 year old boy named Joel. I've always loved this story, but i couldn't figure out where it applied to me. I've never been in a great need for food, clothing, anything. I've never had to REALLY trust god for something. I've always gotten basically everything i've needed....To summarize her, she says humans put men on pedestal way to often, that's only fit for the king. We see ourselves getting backed into a corner, and immediately turn to our friend, dad, boss, whoever, to come save us. However, Why not let God come rescue us? Why not take risks in life, expecting God to be there for us... Joel ran out of food. He could have called B2B and they would have rushed over beans, rice, and tortillas. Instead they prayed to God, and got Steak! I want the faith of 6 year old Joel. If he can trust God, so can I.
In the end, God didn't give me what I wanted. But who knows what's coming next? God has a plan. We know that. But it's amazing. everything works for hte good. I dont know what's coming this summer. But I do know it's going to be 10 times better than what I had hoped for. Sometimes we dont get to see how or why things happened the way they did. But I can hope, and trust in God, knowing that it will work for the good. I might not know why things didn't happen my way, but i can trust, God has his reasons....
For a while, i just sulked about how i didn't get my way... why waste time doing that giving up our precious time to be joyous? What I pray for is hope, trust, and faith. I want god to transform me into someone who rejoices in the pain. Yes, this has been and will be hard for me. Yes, I really wanted this, and didn't get it. But yes something better is coming.

**** Photos by Cheryl Weaver