Realizing God's Grace....

Today, I went to work on the most beautiful day I've seen in a LONG time... Ashlee and I sat on the porch with our computers on our lap, getting a tan and playing Taylor swift. :)
I ran out of work around 4:30, and had 1/2 an hour to waste time. ;) So i decided to Google "sick, shocking murders". How fun right? I told my debate partner a few weeks ago that I'd tell her more scary stories about people eating each other on the buses in Canada... (lol) men being 1200 pounds... just random stories. Now I regret ever googling anything. We live in a sick world... I read about men beating up little babies, children and women being kidnapped and never being found. 12 year old girls killing elderly people...a ton of sick, disgusting stories. At first it was entertaining (in a weird type of way...) Ashlee and I would just laugh at the stupidity of some people in unbelief. But then I started reading about little babies, and young children! The world is truly a horrible place. As i was reading it all, I kept thinking about Mexico, India, Africa, China - third world countries: how horrible life is for them, what it's like to actually be in their places, to really go weeks without water, to not know where their food is coming tomorrow... Thinking about that, while reading theses stories, while sitting on a porch drinking a coke and eating fruit snacks...I realized how blessed I really am. I have so much, I'm so safe, I have a job, I live in a pretty good country... I don't have to worry about how I'm getting my food, or who's stalking me!
My only worries today was what music I was going to listen to, and if my debate block will be done on time.. what a horrible life right? ha! We constantly worry about such little things, when in the big picture - it's so tiny. We are seriously bless...we just have to realize it...

Looking Into the Face of Christ

I've been going to this bible study for the last few months, and it has changed my life. Joseph Korpics, our leader, is the most biblical, inspired, god-fearing, loving man i know. He's been leading us throug this series - Looking into the face of Christ. He knows how to make the most impactful, meaningful sermons i've ever heard. Mr. Korpics alwasy talks about God Romancing us. This was something very new to me, I had never thought of it before like this. Basically, how he explains it is God is madly in love with us and is constantly trying to make us fall in love with him. He longs for us. When you long for someone/something, you've just got to have it, and will do wahtever it takes to get that thing. That's how God sees us. He speaks to us, shows us things, dies for us, would give anything to see us happy, and is so hurt/dissapointed when we let him down, or don't desire to be his. How cool is that? Doesn't it make you feel bad after you realized, he would give ANYTHING to be your everything, and we ditch him because "we're to busy", we'd rather go watch a movie, or sleep, maybe log onto facebook!
This weeks message was on Mark chapter 4, when Jesus calms the storm. Mr. Korpics sheds so much onto theses small stories. When I read them, i admire them to a certain extent, get some lessons out of it... but he, he gets SO much out of it. so much i would have NEVER thought of. it's amazing. He starts off by pointing out, the disciples on the boat were all fishermen (use to storms out on sea, use to the elimiates, this was thier territory).... yet in this storm, they were frantic, in fear, hopeless - it was one BAD storm, they thought they were going to die.
They rudely awake jesus, once the storm got deathly bad, and say to jesus' face "why dont you care about us?" Wow, jesus knows how much he loves them, he would give everything for them, yet they ask him that! that's what i would call low, and painful. yet jesus calmly gets up, does'nt say anything to them, but asks them about thier faith, calms the storm (within seconds) and asks them again where their faith is...
Sometimes God amazes me. Theres so much about this story now, that would take me hours to mention, that just awes me.
God longs for us so badly...yet we dissapoint him so much, just as the disciples did when they asked him if he cared. Yet he still longs for us, would die for us, forgives us, and is "in wonder" of us. Now that's love.
anyways.... i'm not completing my thoughts.
All i can say is i've learned so much from Mr. Korpics, and i'm really sad we have to stop for "summer break"! Who needs summer break!? lol...
I can't believe God would even want to romance us... Why?
I want the kind of perspective Mr. Korpics has. I wanna be able to read the bible, and get what he gets out of it!!!

Jeramiah 29:11

Trust is a lot easier said then done. That's basically what I've been learning lately. I've always heard people say "trust in God". Or i'll read a verse in the bible about trusting in God.. I always agreed, and thought that's is a great thing to do and have. However, when you're faced with a situation where you actually have to trust in God ..whether its with your hopes, dreams, future, desires, or necessities of life, it's so much harder than it sounds. To actually believe God has a plans for you (jeramiah 29:11), that prospers you; that he will work everything out for the best; requires amazing faith. I didn't expect it to be so hard. I know you are supposed to, I know the bible is there (therefore he does have a plan for the good), I know he is in control, and has the most wonderful thing ever in mind for us, i know we will never quiet understand what he's doing completely, but... even still, with all that in mind, it's so hard to trust. Why? He created the universe, he loves us, and cares for our thoughts and desires - yet I can't get my self to believe he has a plan for me? I can't trust him in the *simple* things? Things that, yes at the time might seem like the world, but in all reality, are so minuscule and tiny!? That's almost ridiculous. Why is it so hard to trust God?
Recently, I've had to trust God with the most important thing in my life. I almost couldn't "give it up". My dad ultimately decided. But I couldn't stop worrying about it, wondering if my dad was actually praying about it, second guessing my dad's obvious future decision, thinking about if it might ever change, asking why it even had to come up... When I talked to my friend about it, she told me just to give it up. I knew i had to do that... but I had such a hard time doing it. In all reality, I would, but not completely. and that small percent would keep creeping back up and growing back into full form.
In Beth Guckenburgers book Reckless Faith, she talks about a little 6 year old boy named Joel. I've always loved this story, but i couldn't figure out where it applied to me. I've never been in a great need for food, clothing, anything. I've never had to REALLY trust god for something. I've always gotten basically everything i've needed....To summarize her, she says humans put men on pedestal way to often, that's only fit for the king. We see ourselves getting backed into a corner, and immediately turn to our friend, dad, boss, whoever, to come save us. However, Why not let God come rescue us? Why not take risks in life, expecting God to be there for us... Joel ran out of food. He could have called B2B and they would have rushed over beans, rice, and tortillas. Instead they prayed to God, and got Steak! I want the faith of 6 year old Joel. If he can trust God, so can I.
In the end, God didn't give me what I wanted. But who knows what's coming next? God has a plan. We know that. But it's amazing. everything works for hte good. I dont know what's coming this summer. But I do know it's going to be 10 times better than what I had hoped for. Sometimes we dont get to see how or why things happened the way they did. But I can hope, and trust in God, knowing that it will work for the good. I might not know why things didn't happen my way, but i can trust, God has his reasons....
For a while, i just sulked about how i didn't get my way... why waste time doing that giving up our precious time to be joyous? What I pray for is hope, trust, and faith. I want god to transform me into someone who rejoices in the pain. Yes, this has been and will be hard for me. Yes, I really wanted this, and didn't get it. But yes something better is coming.

**** Photos by Cheryl Weaver