Some times I want to hug her to death...sometimes I feel like i could strangle her to death....
About Me
- Anna Charis
- Everybody smiles in the same language....And for that, I am so thankful.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
hE kNoWs YoUr NaMe!
Right now... I'm feeling two totally different emotions, and i'm not quite sure how that works...
Firstly, I'm so mad. Today, I was thinking to myself how if I want to serve one day (in Mexico :D) I need to start serving 100% at home... Then I realized, I do that. Yes, there are definitely ways i can pick it up more, but ... I DO help out a lot, and, right now I'm totally be "prepared" for whats going to come. There's a reason I'm growing up where I am. Just today I was thinking that... But then, mom, Sarah and I got into a huge argument on the way home from our piano recital. Basically they ganged up on me saying that I boss Sarah around to much and i'm not grateful for waht she does. But, it was so off! Like, she doesn't do ANYTHING, complains about anything she *does* do, whines about everything, doesn't do anything whole-heartedly, and I'm almost sick of it. I've always been the one who works so hard to keep everything cleaned and in order, yet here they are saying that I'm not grateful enough to *her*! Now, I will admit i can be a little bossy v(that's def something i can/should work on) but for them to be mad at me about that! ahh...
so that brought up a lot of different things for me. the first one is that since she whines about working and complains about me asking her to work *I* get yelled at (since she's the one making all the commotion) instead she should be thanking me for all the work i do.. but since i don't make a huge deal about it, she just gets forgotten about by my mom and dad.
Secondly, my mom was saying how much of a "NOT servant" i am. which really hurt! i try *so* hard to do everything for my mom and dad. i don't know one other person my age who works as much as me around the house. i cook, clean, and even still.. i half raise Sarah!
They put $10,000 into Daniel every year so he can (go to school) and play football. They put SO much time into driving him EVERYWHERE, getting him trainers, and entire work out rooms, almost moving the whole family for 3 months to Columbus - just so he can play. Which, yea I'm for that, it's his dream, he wants to pursue it, it'll def be in his future somewhere... but if that do all that for him, can't they do just a little for me? Not only do they forbid me to go to Mexico (my passion/dream), but they discourage me all the time! kingslove, vbs, etc! on top of that, to tell me that i suck at serving, when it's what i feel so called to do, i love doing it, it's *my* special thing, and i work so hard at it (at home).
ah they put everything into Daniel! can't they leave SOME for me? I'm not even talking about money (that's a whole separate issue), but just support me mentally, encourage me, TRY to find me a Spanish class... etc!
So that's one way I'm feeling.
However the other part of me feels so loved by god (ironic huh?) how do those two emotions even work in the same sentence? How can i feel so rejected, unloved, and abandoned by everyone, yet so loved and everything?
God knows me by name. How amazing is that? he has MY NAME written on his hand! omg that's like saying president obama (not that's he's so great or anything) but if he wrote anna griffith even on his paper - that would totally be wierd! someone who has so much to do, so much on his mind is thinking about you all the time! omg that's just crazy!
I got the Back2Back semi-annual new's letter/magazine yesterday, so I've been reading all the stories that's going on down there. I'm so inspired by God. He is so powerful, he can do anything. We totally don't trust him enough.
I'm so excited to see what He's going to do in my life over the next few years.
My mom was so right (she gave me like a 40 minute sermon - all of which was true, but i didn't' want to listen at the time). But even though i AM right in the sense Sarah doesn't want to work, she isn't grateful, etc, but that doesn't mean that I am WRONG too in the aspect of controlling her, and making her work, trying to discipline her in that way, instead of just letting God take care of it. I honestly thought if I don't make her clean the kitchen it wont get done. and technically that's true, she needs to be made to do it, or she wont. but i need to trust in god and let him take care of her, setting an example of a hard working, caring person (instead of a bossy, mean sister)
God knows me by name! If the creator of the universe can do that... then I can be a little nicer to Sarah, and work a little harder to serve the family. The one time I was talking to Guillermo, and he said something just casually about being busy and school. He said "I have to do good, because I am a child of God"! That hit me really hard...for a long time I kept thinking about it. I always here ppl saying "glorify god" etc... i know that's kind of the same concept, but this hit me completely different. What does it mean to Glorify God? But BECAUSE you are Gods child, you should do good... God knows my name... I can at least to try to do something right. I can't do it by myself though, i know that...
Firstly, I'm so mad. Today, I was thinking to myself how if I want to serve one day (in Mexico :D) I need to start serving 100% at home... Then I realized, I do that. Yes, there are definitely ways i can pick it up more, but ... I DO help out a lot, and, right now I'm totally be "prepared" for whats going to come. There's a reason I'm growing up where I am. Just today I was thinking that... But then, mom, Sarah and I got into a huge argument on the way home from our piano recital. Basically they ganged up on me saying that I boss Sarah around to much and i'm not grateful for waht she does. But, it was so off! Like, she doesn't do ANYTHING, complains about anything she *does* do, whines about everything, doesn't do anything whole-heartedly, and I'm almost sick of it. I've always been the one who works so hard to keep everything cleaned and in order, yet here they are saying that I'm not grateful enough to *her*! Now, I will admit i can be a little bossy v(that's def something i can/should work on) but for them to be mad at me about that! ahh...
so that brought up a lot of different things for me. the first one is that since she whines about working and complains about me asking her to work *I* get yelled at (since she's the one making all the commotion) instead she should be thanking me for all the work i do.. but since i don't make a huge deal about it, she just gets forgotten about by my mom and dad.
Secondly, my mom was saying how much of a "NOT servant" i am. which really hurt! i try *so* hard to do everything for my mom and dad. i don't know one other person my age who works as much as me around the house. i cook, clean, and even still.. i half raise Sarah!
They put $10,000 into Daniel every year so he can (go to school) and play football. They put SO much time into driving him EVERYWHERE, getting him trainers, and entire work out rooms, almost moving the whole family for 3 months to Columbus - just so he can play. Which, yea I'm for that, it's his dream, he wants to pursue it, it'll def be in his future somewhere... but if that do all that for him, can't they do just a little for me? Not only do they forbid me to go to Mexico (my passion/dream), but they discourage me all the time! kingslove, vbs, etc! on top of that, to tell me that i suck at serving, when it's what i feel so called to do, i love doing it, it's *my* special thing, and i work so hard at it (at home).
ah they put everything into Daniel! can't they leave SOME for me? I'm not even talking about money (that's a whole separate issue), but just support me mentally, encourage me, TRY to find me a Spanish class... etc!
So that's one way I'm feeling.
However the other part of me feels so loved by god (ironic huh?) how do those two emotions even work in the same sentence? How can i feel so rejected, unloved, and abandoned by everyone, yet so loved and everything?
God knows me by name. How amazing is that? he has MY NAME written on his hand! omg that's like saying president obama (not that's he's so great or anything) but if he wrote anna griffith even on his paper - that would totally be wierd! someone who has so much to do, so much on his mind is thinking about you all the time! omg that's just crazy!
I got the Back2Back semi-annual new's letter/magazine yesterday, so I've been reading all the stories that's going on down there. I'm so inspired by God. He is so powerful, he can do anything. We totally don't trust him enough.
I'm so excited to see what He's going to do in my life over the next few years.
My mom was so right (she gave me like a 40 minute sermon - all of which was true, but i didn't' want to listen at the time). But even though i AM right in the sense Sarah doesn't want to work, she isn't grateful, etc, but that doesn't mean that I am WRONG too in the aspect of controlling her, and making her work, trying to discipline her in that way, instead of just letting God take care of it. I honestly thought if I don't make her clean the kitchen it wont get done. and technically that's true, she needs to be made to do it, or she wont. but i need to trust in god and let him take care of her, setting an example of a hard working, caring person (instead of a bossy, mean sister)
God knows me by name! If the creator of the universe can do that... then I can be a little nicer to Sarah, and work a little harder to serve the family. The one time I was talking to Guillermo, and he said something just casually about being busy and school. He said "I have to do good, because I am a child of God"! That hit me really hard...for a long time I kept thinking about it. I always here ppl saying "glorify god" etc... i know that's kind of the same concept, but this hit me completely different. What does it mean to Glorify God? But BECAUSE you are Gods child, you should do good... God knows my name... I can at least to try to do something right. I can't do it by myself though, i know that...
Monday, May 11, 2009
breathe in breathe out
I don't think I've ever been this busy. Right now, I'm print 600 fliers and organizing them all - about a 8 hour job. Every 30 seconds or so I have to run up and re-start the printer. Every 5 minutes I have to put all the printed papers into folders, and re-start the process. Today, I woke up and went straight to piano lessons, came home - had 2 hours to completely have my debate partner's binder ready to go for Friday (normally a 5 hour job). After I had finished that, I ran off to work late- worked for 5 hours, and ran to do the project I'm currently working on. Right now, it's about 8pm, I still have 4 more hours on this project (due Wednesday night). Tomorrow morning I have my piano audition I've been preparing for since October. My songs aren't memorized yet. I was planning on practicing for a few hours today, however... time's running out. My national debate tournament is Thursday, I have yet to print, organize, and read any of my hundreds of pages of evidence (a 10 hour job). Wednesday I have to work... When will I do all this? I'm about to go crazzzy!!!! As I've been working on this project for the last 3 hours, literally running across the room, throwing papers, I started thinking - why is my life like this? Why do I have to be so busy? School ends soon... yet it's not going to get less busy! I thought summer was the time for rest, relaxation, FUN!?! Then I realized... my life can't get any better than this! I honestly have the "DREAM LIFE". Why am I complaining that I have so many opportunities? That I'm learning soo much!? That I am NEVER bored? Do you know how boring it is to be bored? (lol) I just have to take this one step at a time, and enjoy every minute of it.. because this season wont last long (even though it seems like it will!). I'm going to wish I had this time back.. yet right now, I'm wishing it away. Who wouldn't want to be in a Log Cabin in the woods, all alone, blasting music, windows open, filing papers? All I've to do is think about my friends in Mexico - they either get to sit in the boiling sun, bored, or ...work in it! I mean, what am I complaining about? Seriously?
Yes, it is a little overwhelming everything I have to do. But if I just look at one task at a time...I'll be fine :)
I also realized God promises us rest, and peace. All I have to do is trust in him, and I can relax! Who needs to be stressed out when they have the Creator of the Universe fighting for them? Honestly! - How bad will it be, how many lives will it effect if I don't win the Debate Tournament? Or if i mess up in the audition!? There are more important things going on in the world!
In all the busy-ness of the day, I realized how thankful I am for this season of life!
Yes, it is a little overwhelming everything I have to do. But if I just look at one task at a time...I'll be fine :)
I also realized God promises us rest, and peace. All I have to do is trust in him, and I can relax! Who needs to be stressed out when they have the Creator of the Universe fighting for them? Honestly! - How bad will it be, how many lives will it effect if I don't win the Debate Tournament? Or if i mess up in the audition!? There are more important things going on in the world!
In all the busy-ness of the day, I realized how thankful I am for this season of life!
Sunday, May 3, 2009
3 Plays - 3 Days
So this week I decided to just go watch plays :)
Wednesday night, I went with Lizzie and Morgan to CVCA's school play - Beauty and the Beast. That was really cool because I had never seen the movie or heard anything about it. So that was like a first time experience for me.
Thursday night, I went straight from Co-op to Sarah Z's house, hung out, then went to Padua's school play. My 2 second Cousins were in it, which made it all the better. Kevin played a drunk, poor, guy! (haha!) And Nate played a serious (HAHA) poor guy. I got to see them and Aunt Karen after the play, and that was awesome! I miss them so much. It was cool to hang out, even though it was only for like 10 minutes :)
Padua's play was Les Miserables, which was amazzzing. I almost cried three times! I love the book too. I've read it twice :)
So then, Friday, Joseph took sarah and I to HIS school play - Pride and Prejudice. It was good! Joseph said about half the school was in the play... lol...
It was a really fun week. I love plays :) I'll never get sick of them ;)
Wednesday night, I went with Lizzie and Morgan to CVCA's school play - Beauty and the Beast. That was really cool because I had never seen the movie or heard anything about it. So that was like a first time experience for me.
Thursday night, I went straight from Co-op to Sarah Z's house, hung out, then went to Padua's school play. My 2 second Cousins were in it, which made it all the better. Kevin played a drunk, poor, guy! (haha!) And Nate played a serious (HAHA) poor guy. I got to see them and Aunt Karen after the play, and that was awesome! I miss them so much. It was cool to hang out, even though it was only for like 10 minutes :)
Padua's play was Les Miserables, which was amazzzing. I almost cried three times! I love the book too. I've read it twice :)
So then, Friday, Joseph took sarah and I to HIS school play - Pride and Prejudice. It was good! Joseph said about half the school was in the play... lol...
It was a really fun week. I love plays :) I'll never get sick of them ;)
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